Inadequacies, imagined.

So, living life seems like it's umm, hmm, everything you could possibly think of and all the stuff that you can't think of in an amalgamated hyper-kinetic frenzy and everything that hasn't happened yet already happened, but in the future, which is constantly occurring for the gazillionth god damn time. Over and over, it's an endless loop of living the future in the past. I'm just umm, figuratively drooling on myself and babbling incoherencies, so with that. . .
Look at some pretty pictures.

This one's a drawing of some mountains in Tuolomne (sp?) that a girl who worked with me drew when I fell. I just wrote what I thought the peaks were but I really don't know so I just erased it and wrote this. Umm, mountains are purdy.

My friend Chris does these face thing sculpture things and I drew the other eye and it is hanging by some antlers on the doorframe between my living room and kitchen.

This below is me and friends standing on top of a mountain in Glacier national park and some flame scraps from a stencil I did and some words. I'm gonna go ahead and reproduce them here even though you can prob'ly read 'em. Okay.

Folk music
D.I.Y. punk rock and hip-hop and techno music, pirate radio, drum circles, demonstration chants and songs. . .
the demystification of the role of the musician- the realization that anyone can create an aural environment, that anyone can shape the emotions of her fellows into fear or courage, love or sentimentality, rage or depair- and the subsequent insight that this must be done cooperatively, or else the result will be a dreadful, atonal mess. Thus the recognition of music-making as the perfect analogy for human relations

Nothing, and everything, all at once.

Crooked Fingers-When U were mine
http://www.mediafire.com/?gljzdzdjm2g

Well then, there has been some stuff that has gone down in my life that has given me abject despair and I get this feeling where it is just nothingness and my guts all twisting together and so yeah, despair. While I’d like to explain what happened and all (and I will), I’m just not ready yet. I will though, I just got to let things settle and I’ve still got some stuff to do. Sorry I’m being so vague about umm, this? But . . . yep.

Allrighty then, hmm, where do you think I should start? You not knowing anything about what happened to me, that was directed towards you. Welp, I guess I’ll just start. So I have two front half teeth because I broke them falling on cement getting out of the way of a Portland MAX train, so yeah, I broke my teeth on the sidewalk. Now I am a disabled American male and I am on Medical and I wouldn’t have money anyway and I live in Humboldt county, CA and they don’t have any dentists that accept Medical (I might be wrong and that sucks even more) and I have used the word “and” four times and now five. Yeah run-on sentences! Anyway, so I have a dentist in Santa Barbara and I set up an appointment. I was gonna be leisurely about it and visit my friends in San Francisco and get my haircut and all BUT the dentist was really busy and could only see me very soon so on the 22nd of June so I boarded a bus from Eureka to Martinez where I boarded a train that was bound for Bakersfield where I would board a bus the would take me to Santa Barbara, bus, train, bus. There was a really cool statue and plaque at the Corcoran station and I wanted to see it and I asked the attendant guy how long we were going to be there and he said “6 minutes but be quick” so I went outside and went to read the plaque thingy. As I was reading, I heard the train whistle and the hiss of the doors closing. I ran to the train, pounded and wrenched at the doors desperately as a girl in the train did the same and the train pulled away, with all my stuff on it. Sleeping bag, backpack, computer, book, fuck, everything except me, my wallet (wait) and my keys and my cell phone. Yep, so I was stuck in Corcoran for 4 hours with nothing open cuz it was 9:00 o’clock at night and I couldn’t get through to Amtrak’s “hotline” thingy so I called 911 and got the B-field train station numero and I called and my stuff was there. Thank freakin’ golly. Also, there was another train at 10;25. Okay, so I got into Bakertown at around 11:30, got my stuff and found that the next time I could get to Santa Barbara was at 11 the next day. I found out that a Grey-dog bus was leaving at 2 in the mornin’ so I called a cab and got taken the bus station. I bought my ticket and I had some time to kill so umm, what’d I do? Wandered around, found a lil’ chill place behind some trees, took a nap, etc. I guess. Anyways, there was a Snapple vending machine in the station, I wanted one so I got my wallet out, got 2 dolla’s and 25 centavo’s out of it, set it down on the top of a trash receptacle next to the vending device, got my drink (I can’t remember what flavor) and walked out. Leaving my wallet on the trashcan. I am a fuckin’ idiot. I didn’t realize this for a good 5-6 minutes while I walked back to my little spot and put my stuff down, only to pretty much pick it right back up and hobble/run back. Only to find my wallet gone. Have I mentioned I’m an idiot? It gets so much worse from here. I’ve already been stuck in gosh-forsaken Corcoran for 4 hours, I had just lost my wallet. For whatever really dumb reason, I had put my savings in my wallet, all 1200 dollars of them. I can remember kicking myself for it when I was on the bus to the train for having it, asking myself “Why did I bring this” because I didn’t know and then it was no more in my possession. No bankcard, No Social Security card, No doctor numbers, no nothing. So I was freaking the hell out, really badly, pleading with people for any information, crying, pounding on the concrete, searching. This was around 1 in the morning. The bus ended up coming very closely to the time when I lost my wallet and I was still thinking there was a chance I could find my wallet so I didn’t get on. I ended up not finding it. Just me and the security guard at the Bakersfield Greyhound station at like 3 in the morning. Yep, and I am majorly freaking out (only to myself) cuz I had just lost my wallet and a shitfuckton of money. So here comes my favorite part. I guess the security guard called the police on me because three cop cars pulled up to the station. Like 5 cops started coming towards me and (keep in mind that I’m already freaking out) I’m being like “What are you guys doing”, “Don’t, this is not right” etc., they’re being like “put your hands behind your back”, getting the cuffs out and then “BAM”. An elbow to my forehead, a leg sweeping mine out from under me, me falling to the ground, my arms being wrenched behind me as I am lying face down on bus station concrete and I am placed in wrist and ankle manacles. Right now, reading this, it seems kinda like I am telling a really good story or something but the really shitty part is that it is all true. Sorry, I wish it was just a story, really. So I was arrested for trespassing and disturbing the peace or something, actually I don’t really know why but needless to say. Okay, so, I was put into wrist and ankle cuffs and shoved into the back of a police car. Oh yeah, they took my cell phone and my bus ticket, which were in my pockets. They took my bags as well, thank the lord. Umm, then I got driven to the Bakersfield jail and put in a jail cell (I had to take off my shoes). This cell only had bars so you could see pretty well and umm, I kinda yelled and pleaded for myself. They moved me, this time to a cell with just a little, blurry, plastic window and a light bulb and white everything. What happened next sucks, because I didn’t have my seizure medication, I had a seizure. Well, I think, I felt the onset and I was kinda shaking and then I just blacked out. So I don’t really know. Yeah, after a long while (I was in jail from 2 in the morning to 10) somebody came and opened up the door and I was brought out of the jail, brought to my stuff and brought into the hallway where my sister had come to get me. I (imaginarily) fell to the ground before and started kissing her feet and the cool concrete of freedom. What had just happened to me was (one of) the weirdest things to have happened to me. Okay, so I got left behind on the train, lost 1200 dollars, got arrested for trespassing, got my ass kicked (by the cops) and had a seizure in jail.. Yeah, me. I’m kinda looking at it now as just one of those regular things that happens to America. You’re not an American if you don’t get your ass kicked by the local police anyway. Right?

STELLA! . . . SSTTELLLAA! hahahahaha.

Umm, well, I don't really have anything to impart to you, wordwise. Here's a really good song that's a duet where a sweet, innocent girl offers to help with a guys problems and he explains just how he'd like to go about getting helped. Or something to that effect. So yeah. . .

Akinyele-Just put it my mouth
http://www.mediafire.com/?nzy5mhfmmmh

Encapsulated in amazing flavor.

Whoa, this song has been stuck in my head for days.
It is so freakin' awesome. Orgasmic.

Eddie Murphy/Rick James

Unheard lament.

So I guess I'l put some umm, stuff up here for you folk to peruse and critique, laugh at (because of the stupidity) and whatnot. Well, ermm, I'll put some stuff for ya to look at on this here website so it magically transports itself so it can be viewed by you. Yep.
I just wrote that I was going to do stuff two motherfuckin' times (now three). Oh well, Im just going to leave it like that.
Yep, again.

So these first two are at the beach, ummm, I think that's the skeleton of a freighter, yeah, I don't know.

This is a lot of concrete that makes up the jetty that goes out, into the ocean even.


This is a lil' drawing I did and a Jeremy Fish skull with a bunny coming up out of it.

Totally unexpected hostilities, at a slant.

So I have been writing a lot lately, only not putting it in this blog and posting it on the internet. I just keep contributing various stuff to one continuous text. So yeah, umm, this is some of that. I'll try to find some pictures to put on here as well (since I am a lazy do-nothing).

The memory of ones life in the past-tense, the actions and moments that made up your life. Holy shit. It is a bit hazy, fog and drifts obscure and cover up certain portions and float about on a dark plain. Covering up while revealing. Myself, I have tender moments of reverie, intrepid excursions into the murky waters of the mind. It’s like floating on water that is somehow covered by a large, opaque roof and it is pitch black but somehow iridescent and there are no edges.

This here's gonna be a lil' glimpse of what I saw or whatever in New Zealand.

Wow, I wonder how they did that.


I so agree with this and give a salute to whomever put this up.


This is at a farm me and Casey w.w.o.o.fed at outside of Dunedin. We trapped, I think they're, possums and this is me holdin' up some dead animals.

So many, overwhelmed.

Hi there,
I have been meaning to accomplish the task that I am performing now for quite some time. I'm a bit disappointed with my "not doing what I want to do". Now I am though (doing stuff), whooo,
YEAH.
So let's, umm, look at some stuff. Shall we.



So these first two image/picture/things are of the sunset out my window and my thoughts at the time were that it was beautiful and I immortalized it.


This here scintillating reverie of a picture is of a drawing type amalgamation of lead coming from what folks call a "pencil", in my notebook. There is a shitfuckton more and a lot of them I think are better but that's a good one, so, umm, yeah


The purty lil' picture you see above these words is of some stencils I have done. The surface you see is a big box I use to "test" stuff. You'll notice in the "Runwildnfree" stencil, I've use "n'" instead of "and" and used a drawing of an eye instead of an "I" (wow, I've used a lot of quotation marks). I really like the mountains I did as well. Yep.

Hrrmm, well, how about you just accept that the person typing this is a sad, crying kid who just likes to hug unicorns and write poetry.
In a miraculous coincidence (and to conclude this here rant) , here's some poetry-
Early morning
Sunshine
Clouds
The ground wet
from
the nights rain . . .


. . .the dogs are barking.

Glowing spots that flicker in the dark

So, let’s see.
It is springtime, transitioning into summer. The weather has improved, immensely, and my attitude has improved as well, perhaps even more so. The world is bright and immense and unimaginable and scary and fabulous and everything else all at once. I am but a speck, mote, unanchored in the midst of it all. The unfathomable everything that all of “it” is makes me cry, golden tears of joy.
I do realize the silly giddiness of the above sentiments but still, take the thoughts at face value and revel in the awesome warmth and happiness of the unending amazement at life.
Yep.

That there’s some words that were written with nothing in mind but to get them out of my brain, in to common space.
I guess this is just to say that I seem to be in way better headspace. I could use silly analogies about "diving" into life and all that (and I guess I just did) but how about you just sit back and kinda just sleepwalk in a trancelike state while accomplishing amazing things. I don't know why I suggested that, but what the hey.

Consternation and fright

Yep.
Increasing the amount of crap for you to look at while you are perusing this here website is job number one for us here at Colin Patrick Decker Industries (and amalgamated justifiable stuff consortium). That absurd and farfetched statement being stated and written, the folks at C.P.D.I. here want to shove some dumb ol' pictures down yer throat so without further ado, well, maybe just a lil' bit of an ado. Hence-
It looks like I use sarcasm as a shield. I do view myself as being kind of timid and it usually makes it easier if I wrap reality in a soft cocoon of really funny black humor (or some such thing). So, really without further ado-

These are just pictures of drawings from my notepad. They're not really anything of import or value or meaning. I don't even really know why I am putting them up here. Boredom, really.


This a fishie and some mountains and other stuff and there are two sperms behind the fish but the way I took the picture, you can only see the head of one. Sorry.


This one was just me doodling. After I did some stuff, I drew in the words. The camera I'm using takes pictures backwards so all the letters were actually drawn in reverse. That was a feat.

Asleep but knowing that it will all go away.

Don't you wish that everybody was a pirate or a ninja and we grew up in a world were there were bloody feuds and dynasties, warlords and espionage, as a day to day occurrence? I do.
In recent history it seems like I have cycled through emotions and ways of being. The way the light is tinted or some other unimportant connotation of the day seems to have an effect on what type of person I am. It seems like I have dementia. The weather got really nice here. I was just strolling around the neighborhood I live in, feeling a sense of community, neighborliness and well, I guess the sunshine. The weather seemed to have a good effect on my umm, dementia, my mind and I feel ready to come out of my isolated, inward looking, self hating state of being. Maybe.
Anyway, yeah. I kinda wanted to well, I don't really know. How about that, I really want to umm, state, I guess, that "We don't know". It's kinda all conjecture and theory and observation. While a lot of it (what is "it" anyway?) probably is true, there is always the undercurrent of the fact that we only have our own minds. Sure you can see see and interpret but heck, we're just tiny little specks, motes in a vastly huge, awesome, incomprehensible umm, world, life, existence, what have ya.
Yep.
Well, I had originally intended to put a lot of old writing that hasn't seen the light of day (figuratively) but then i just started writing and it kinda (I use that word to much) just felt better. As of right now, I am drawing a blank in my head about what more to write. Ah well, I guess. Here's some pictures to look at.


Bloods up, Crips down. Gangsta fer life, homey. nnnnnnnhhhh. Yeah.
(Oh yeah, this image is backwards, so my hands say boold.)


Ummm, WOW. Holy shit. C215's pieces are so good, every single one of them too.

Irate, depressed, unfathomable, incongruent.

Allright, so at this point in time, I am feeling really shitty and down on my self and a whole lotta other shit. Let's see, I just dropped out of school, I am severing all my ties with the outside world, I don't really like the place I live in (it's okay, I probably wouldn't like any place I lived), ton's more shit that, well, I just can't wrap my mind around. Ummm, this kinda sucks to write, oh well, I'm just fucking done. I've done cool shit already, I've had the experiences. Sorry, I'll stop my self-deprecating-ness. I'm just really down on myself right now and I know umm, kind of below that, that life is actually really cool, way to cool to go into. Really, I don't know anything. I think I might be putting myself through some wierd vortex where I just talk gibberish and my thoughts come out as a mangled, incoherent mass. I don't know. Actually, that's the main thing.
I DON'T KNOW.

Disturbing lack of well, yep.

Since there has been no ummm, activity on this here specific web page in quite a long time. I am, umm, how would you say it, putting this forth so that I show that I am not a rottting carcass. Really, how about if there is nothing of substance or concern in these words and it is, in essence, nothing. Yep.

Unrefined and resonant.

Okay, so I have had some stuff happening in my life. Ummm, I really don't know what to write actually. I mainly wanted to show you these pictures of two kids that well, I let take showers at my house and sleep on the floor. They were travellin' kids who wore big ass backpacks. Their names were Simon (the guy) and Jamie (the girl), they had a cat named Cozy and it curled on my bed the whole time, it must have liked it. Overall, it was a good time and just hanging with a cat was cool. They were going to get their bikes in Eugene and had taken a train trip, I think it was Minnesota to Washington?, with Cozy and these are some pictures:

Nice Sunset, Simon.


Big Mountains in Montana. Jamie and Cozy.


This is totally unrelated and kind of stupid but oh well. It kind of reflects how I feel about mountains and trainhopping and such, the fact that I don't get out as much as I useta.

Secret dreams, impossible thoughts.

Okay,
Ahem, we have some pictures, which are old and a song, which you should like.

This is at a show. I think it was This Bike is a Pipe Bomb. It is blurry, how my mind was. The only thing you can recognize is the beer.


I like taking pictures of everyday sites that somehow have meaning to me, in a way that you'll never know.


This is awesome. This doesn't exist anymore.


Agent Orange - Bloodstains
http://www.mediafire.com/?uzmtmjz5dim

I'll put some writing in here as well:
The dogs are barking. Endlessly. The children are yelling spanish gibberish. It is night time. There are no clouds in the sky. There are stars, no moon. I live in a reasonably populated region and it has lights and a moderate haze of pollution so the sky is not that clear. In the daytime, when it is light out, you can see the ocean from my apartment. I am separated from it by a bay and a spit of land. I can still see it though. The dogs are still barking.
And now you know . .
the rest of the story. - Paul Harvey

Give it up for Little, Baby, Jeezus.

Merry Christmas, ya'll.
You should listen to this song. It's by the comedic superduo Canned Ham and the song's about the birth of christ, the act which we are supposed to be celebrating on this day. Sometimes I wonder, Jesus was born today, by Mary, who was with Joseph. Yep, and somehow, Jesus had come about into being because of this "God" character. Mary was a virgin. Well, you want to know what I think? I'll tell ya anyway. Mary slept around on Joseph and then lied about it. Which somehow brought into being this "religion" thing that has shaped how we live. Hmmm. This whole "immaculate conception" thing. Makes you think, I guess. Can you just imagine Mary telling everybody that her child was the son of "God"? Hmmm, indeed.

Canned Ham - LBJ rap
http://www.mediafire.com/?o2tuotnnjdz

In addi(c)tion, other stuff.

So,
These are pictures of little tags and things I did on the Failing overpass over I-5 in Portland. I like the half a face I did, you can't see the ear I drew. Ah well. Well, I hope you look at these and maybe get something from them. Yep.

The twinkle of stars in a black sky.

Well, today is my friend Christa's birthday and she is probably one of the raddest people ever. When I fell and was in a coma she made this video and it is people I know saying umm, whats up to me and other awesome stuff. I don't really know how to show how thankful and happy I am but I know that proper and meaningful slavishness to accomplishing anything that comes into her head is in order.


Colin Video

Inopportune sideways glances

So, this here is some new music for ya, if'n ya want it. I like it, that's fer sure. Yep.

Bone, Thugs & Harmony - 1st of tha month
http://www.mediafire.com/?tjzzcorinu2
Asobi Seksu - Pink Tracing Paper
http://www.mediafire.com/?moyzejnmkmq
Beirut - Postcards from Italy
http://www.mediafire.com/?jgjz4wwmzzm
Built to Spill - Sidewalk
http://www.mediafire.com/?gzmyijmjcxm
Iron & Wine/Calexico - He Lays in the Reins
http://www.mediafire.com/?njmjyojmjzn
Mogwai - 2 rights make 1 wrong
http://www.mediafire.com/?azxxjnyimte

A cavalcade of disjointed ramblings.

So as of right now I am still in Portland, OR sleeping on my friends floor and roaming around town doing various things that somewhat intrigue me. I have not journeyed home yet, I don't know what to think of this. Today I borrowed my friends camera and wandered around taking pictures. I kind of have a bit of them to show you. I'll save most of them but include, like, 3 or 4 of 'em or something. Yep, guess that's what'll happen. Reckon so.

Willamette river, leaves of a tree (I am too hesitant to name what kind of tree and be wrong) and the reflection of big pink.


There's that ubiquitous "tag" I always find myself incriminating myself with.


Leaves afloat in the river.


. . . and we'll wrap it up with that.

Aberrant discrepancies.

These first three are stencils that I saw in Bellingham and was enamored with a little bit.
This one is a flower coming up in a doorway. Yeah.


This one is a line of birds getting increasingly larger and then I think the one in front has a coffin on its back. My friend thought it was a VCR. I don't know.


This one is a figure that's drawn in a style I like on a wall. Yep.


This one is a picture of the place where, in my youth, I went and jumped off the cliff you can see just to the right of the falls and swam around in the pool and it was awesome. I went there and just sat and stared and was filled with memories and reverie.